I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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