dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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