If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need to align my fucking chakras
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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