I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
