We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
