I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my poor anus
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
