that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
