He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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