My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
