this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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