my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
