I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
