You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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