Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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