Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I look better un-naked...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
