There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well you can't waste a boner
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
