Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
