becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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