Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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