I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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