if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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