She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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