Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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