Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
