i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
