I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
