she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
