I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
