Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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