So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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