I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
