Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
