I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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