Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
