420 ftw
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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