i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
