i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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