Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
