had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
