I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize