I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
