My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
