Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
