smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
