My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
