you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The air was thick with penises
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
