I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am one with the molecules
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
