we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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