Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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