corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
