i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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