We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
