I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
